Maybe I lied...
I said yesterday that I didn't have much to write about and then I proceeded to just ramble on and claim that I didn't know what I was feeling. But I realized that I do know a lot of feelings I am having and I just wanted to express them - I'm all about "capturing the moment"!
I'm excited about having a baby in my life. No questions there - I can't wait.
I'm frustrated with people always telling me how much my life will change - I realize this, although I obviously don't know the extent of the changes.
I'm sad that John can't experience more of this with me. I wish he could be in town and I wish he could feel all the little kicks and squirms that I do.
I'm jealous when I read or hear of people getting pregnant with no problems - even now. Even though I completely appreciate my situation and wouldn't change it for the world.
I'm scared that Pea will turn out to be a boy. I would be perfectly happy with a boy, just as much as a girl, but at this point, Pea is a "she" and I would feel a loss if I found out otherwise.
I'm confused at how to decide how long to stay at home with the baby. How do I make a decision on how long is enough time? How do I know?
I'm frustrated with my mom. My mom asks me every day how the baby is. It's not like the baby changes emotions or attitudes or personalities every day. She is the same! I'm glad she's taking a huge interest, but I just think that's a dumb question.
I'm frustrated with my in-laws. They never mention the baby because they are too superstitious. I know they will love the baby when she is here, but it would be nice to hear that they are excited or something! It is their first grandchild.
I'm scared to death of labor. No explanation needed here.
I'm tired of people at work making jokes that I won't come back after the baby. Career will never be as important to me as Pea, but it is something I totally intend on coming back to and something I want to continue to pursue.
I'm frustrated that I have to do almost all of the baby preparations. I enjoy doing it all, but I wish John would sometimes play a bigger part. I know this just isn't as real for him yet.
I'm scared the baby will come early and that we won't have everything ready.
I'm scared that even though I'm 28 weeks along that there will still be a problem and I will lose my baby. I guess that fear never goes away.
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Well, the list could go on and on. But I just had to get more of that off my chest. I feel better now. I know this is all completely normal.
5 Comments:
wow. I could have written your post.
One of the things that has been my biggest pet peeve, too, is the "you won't want to come back to work" comment because it makes it seem that if you disagree and you will want to come back to work that somehow you just don't love your baby as much which is totally not the case.
As you know. You're normal. =)
Lauren,
Wow! So much is running through your head right now. I'm glad you're able to get it out here. We're here if you need us.
Rosanne
Ramble away! You're feeling the same things we're all feeling and, no, the fear never goes away.
But it'll all be fine. Don't worry about 'things' not being ready. All that bub needs is YOU (and a few nappies, lol).
Good luck!
-Blue (The Thrifty Mom blog)
I think all of those concerns are perfectly valid! I've had some of them myself and I'm sure every pregnant woman has. I hope getting them out of your head helped somewhat, but that worry never really does go away... Once the baby is here, you'll worry about the first time you have to leave her, her first day of school, and every other new thing that comes into her life. At least it shows you care. :)
Yeah, you're right, all those things sound perfectly normal! At least you realize your fears and frustrations and can deal with them from there. Pregnancy sure is an emotional journey and a powerful one at that! Pea sure it lucky to have such a great mom!
Jackie
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