What am I getting myself into?

So it looks like I probably just ovulated. Now my head is spinning a bit and I can't believe that I have officially begun my fourth attempt to have a baby. Is it possible that it's already time? The last miscarriage seems like it was just yesterday. Am I really ready for this? Has the extra folic acid even absorbed yet? I'm freaking out over here!

I know I'll be fine in the long run and it's just anxiety from starting all over again. It's fear of the unknown. It's fear of the known too - I don't want to ever be back in this very sad place again. It's also a complete focus shift. Over the last few months I've charted, but I didn't need to worry about when I ovulated, did we baby dance at the right time, the two week wait, buying pregnancy tests - or another miscarriage. Life was a little sad, but it was simple - choosing a color for the bedroom, buying condoms that didn't smell too much like rubber, taking fun vacations, enjoying alcoholic beverages... Simple stuff!

I know it's just anxiety. I'm pretty calm on the outside, but on the inside my brain is completely scrambled. And I haven't even gotten into the two week wait yet! What am I going to be like in 10 days or so? I can't even imagine.

So I'm taking a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason. I can do this. I can handle this. I will get through this.